We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
