He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
