I accidentally had phone sex last night
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
