As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
