I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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