The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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