The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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