i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
