Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
