how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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