This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
