Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
being pregnant is like rehab
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
