i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
