i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
