I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize