I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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