just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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