I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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