Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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