mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Less talking, more tequila
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
