I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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