Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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