There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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