I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
