i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize