I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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