got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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