i think my tv is drunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
