he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so much tequila, so little girl.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
