I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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