I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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