Cold hands, warm shart.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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