We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
