i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
