Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
