Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
