Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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