He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
