Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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