He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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