I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
