so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
