Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BRING THE BAGELS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
