Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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