I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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