Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize