So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
