She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
