Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
