I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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