I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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