Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
