Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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