I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize