I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
