She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize