I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
