I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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