did you get engaged???
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
