I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
