I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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