I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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