Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
