please come you make the beer taste better
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
