just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
