Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
