Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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