so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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