we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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