I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
